


Because of a Stray Cat

by Cerulean_Gaze



Category: Gintama
Genre: Cats, Domestic Fluff, I guess???, I just need some feline love, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Still Plotless
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2019-10-15 00:29:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17518778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerulean_Gaze/pseuds/Cerulean_Gaze
Summary: Cat owners never choose their pets on the first place, but rather be chosen by a cat itself with their own place.(AU in which Hijikata is with a cat that no one literally asked for.)





	1. First Meeting.

            _“Meow.”_

_…_

            “… It’s you again.”

            Hijikata stares down to the cat that was currently sitting up in front of his door, staring back with its deadpanned, crimson eyes. He just returned the look with a glare as he pushed the cat aside with his foot before he went out for his work.

            It’s been weeks already since the cat had started to visit his house. Since he had moved from the said place, he saw the cat for the first time sitting above the fence that was watching him to go back and forth to the moving truck. Hijikata doesn’t really mind the cat first at all, but he grew uncomfortable as time passes by for the cat to stare deeply to him, and he had to pause from his business for a while and stare back to it, eye twitching as soon as he met the unwavering gaze of the slacking-faced cat.

            The cat has a white, wavy fur that it can be mistaken as a mop when it was in its lying position, probably because of the thickness of its fur. Looking at its face, its eyes were seems large if the cat cares to keep up its drooped eyelids, giving it an impression of a carefree one. Probably a slacking one, Hijikata noted one time when he saw the cat only glaring down to the rat that passed by to its place.

            When he had finished moving his things inside the house, Hijikata had noticed that the cat was nowhere to be seen on its usual spot. He thought that the cat might had move on already and went elsewhere but instead, he saw that the cat had moved on his welcome mat in front of his door, laying flatly on it as if it made itself comfortable.

            He even almost stepped on it in thought that it was only a handful of mop, and it’s lucky for him that he doesn’t remember having one yet.

            Hijikata had tried to shoo the cat for many times already as well. It’s not only because of he’s irritated on the cat, it wasn’t that pleasant to be welcomed by such lethargic, expressionless gaze early in the morning that the cat usually gave to him; adding its deep, monotonous greetings to him. But heck, the cat is so stubborn that it doesn’t even get nudged when he tried to push the cat with his foot. Instead, it lazily hissed and clawed him, and too much from his surprise, the cat isn’t that lazy when it comes on hurting someone. It _hurts_ , Hijikata swore, and cursed, and lastly growled to the cat that– he swore to the gods of mayonnaise– sneered in satisfaction of seeing his reaction.

            _The hell’s wrong with this cat?!_

            It might be a sadistic cat, isn’t it.

            But as days passed that he only treated the cat that way, it at least doesn’t claw him already like the first few days of him pushing the cat aside with his foot. But instead, the cat rolled over along with his foot that nudging it. It sometimes clung onto him, clawing on his pants that he had to shake his foot with a couple of threats before he could set the cat aside that was seem satisfied at their short bond.

            Hijikata couldn’t remember already when he gave up at shooing the cat out of the house, but he couldn’t also remember when he had interest of buying canned tuna and wasting it for the uninvited cat that was, of course, still waiting in front of his house for him to return from his work. But he was seems not bothered at all, since it amused him that the cat is doing some effort to stand up and welcome him back at home with a small ‘meow’ that was unusual during their first days together, knowing that it’s time to eat as soon as he reached the house since he firstly brought food for it.

            As he stood up and bent himself down to cat, Hijikata could feel the closure of the cat against his leg that usually only happens on their feeding time. Usually, cats will come over you or even lounge on you as soon as they smelled food on you, but in this furry cat, it only paused at its ‘friendliness’ and sat up in front of Hijikata, staring as if it was looking through his soul. It might be looked like it was trying to be patient, but all Hijikata could see that the cat was taunting him with its looks, hearing _“Would you give that damn food to me or do I have to scratch you?”_ behind his head as he stared back to its’ impassive expression.

            “Seriously, aren’t you supposed to plead for it or something?”

            That was the first time he tried to talk to the cat, along with a soft pat he gave to the cat’s head.

             As if it understands him, the cat only turned its head away and scoffed in response.

            All Hijikata did is to snicker as he placed down the opened can in front of the cat, watching it to sniff at the food before it indulges itself on its meal. And along with the cat, he just ate the bread he bought for himself beside the feasting cat as he rested himself from the whole day he had on his work, silently watching the sky gradually change into yellow and orange shades that indicates the sunset of the day.

 

[ - ]

 

            “… Toshi, don’t you think that the station’s turning into animal lost-and-found compound at all of these missing flyers stuck on our bulletin board?”

            It was already five in the afternoon, and Hijikata was now stuck at his superior instead of now heading back to his house. He simply stood next to Kondo as they stared at the board filled with pinned flyers of missing latters, mostly domestic animals like cats and dogs, or even a monkey that had a warning of it throwing poops to unfamiliar people noted on the paper.

            “Well… It’s not like that, Kondo-san. At least they’re not requesting for us to conduct a search throughout the town, isn’t it?” Hijikata replied.

            “You have a point but… Don’t you think that we should at least try to help them to look for their lost pets?” Kondo said along with a thoughtful hum, pulling one of the flyers in front of him and looking over it. “You know, giving time to look for these missing pets? Who knows, those strays roaming around were actually a domestic one…”

            _‘Stray… Domestic.’_

            “We’re police, not an animal committee.” Hijikata only scoffed out as he shook his head from his thoughts. “It’s their fault at not doing their responsibilities right for being an owner.”

            “But still…”

            “… Besides, we could just let the men familiarize themselves to these lost pets in case of seeing these animals roaming around the town while they’re on patrol, right?”

            “Oh, that’s a great idea!” Kondo gasped, then laughing while patting Hijikata’s back in delight. “All I thought you never care to this kind of case! I’ll let the men know about this, then!”

            Hijikata just nodded and smiled a little in sight of his cheery superior that was simply delighted by a little idea.

            “Also… How are you doing on your new place? Isn’t it pretty nice out there? ~”  
            “Not bad,” Hijikata simply shrugged. “It’s peaceful, after all.”

            “Peaceful… It sounds like you’re lonely around there, no?” Kondo cackled.

            “I’m not!”

            …

_‘Lonely… Hell like I’m a teenager getting that sentimental shit.’_

Hijikata only sat down in front of the house as he placed down an opened can of tuna, watching the cat to give a soft purr of appreciation before eating its food. While staring to the messy white-furred cat, he couldn’t help but to recall his earlier conversation with Kondo in wonder. There’s a point that most of the pets were being strays whenever they got lost and was never searched for, and they sometimes became a nuisances for the neighbourhood. He barely sees some stray cats or dogs, though. The Animal Welfare might be doing their job well, after all.

            There’s just a thing that bothered Hijikata since then.

            If this odd cat was really a stray, he wouldn’t really mind it hanging around his place. But there are still some possibilities that it was actually a domestic cat, judging by the cat’s curly fur that was surprisingly not tangled at all and having its body in a well condition.

            What else can you check to see if the cat has an owner?

            While staring at the cat eating its food, Hijikata took note of the cat’s neck that was fully covered with its thick fur. Carefully, he reached out for the cat’s nape and felt the cat stiff under his touch. He looked down again and noticed the glare of the cat that has some stains around its furry lips.

            “… I’m not going to do anything stupid things.” Hijikata scoffed upon hearing the cat’s hisses, but only retracted back his hand for assurance.

            Instead of continuing to have its feast, the cat only yawned and let out a lazy ‘meow’ as a response as it stood up and stretched.

            _‘Lazyass.’_

            Just when Hijikata averted his eyes away, he felt a little tug on his thigh that made him look down once again. There then the cat was, pawing his pants before it gave its lethargic look to him. He knew that it meant something, so he only raised his eyebrow in attempt to question the cat’s action, which turned out for the cat to make his thigh a cushion.

            “Eh? Seriously?” Hijikata muttered in bewilderment as he felt the cat’s paws kneading against his thighs. He never had a pet once, and it somehow made him think if it’s normal for a cat to knead or something.

            It’s not like he’s amused, anyway.

            As a soft chuckle sounded from his silent porch, Hijikata barely recognized his tone earlier as he brushed the cat’s fur, now noticing that the cat doesn’t have any collar around its neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, it's been a while. how are you guys doing, lol.
> 
> forgive me, but i lose my will to write again, pls send halp.
> 
> feel free to drop any ideas and suggestions, alright? ily gays. ♡


	2. A Neighbour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND i finally changed my old username.
> 
> so yes, it's still me, Kagami_Hikari008. i'll still play around to see if i could fix my stuffs on my old pseudo than letting it stay on my default one.
> 
> and yes, sorry for rambling shits. here 'ya go.
> 
> pls enjoy.

_There was a cold, piercing sensation that fully aimed on his body._

_Hijikata isn't sure if he was really alone on the eerie place. He neither knew what place he was currently into, but a shadow lurked behind him as he took every turn and whereabouts to the endless maze._

_He knew that he’s not alone._

_Behind the shadows of the wall could possibly be used by the intruder of the place to hide. Hijikata was fully aware that he was exposed, but he chose to move freely on his way rather than being stuck so slow behind. Was he supposed to look for something? He wasn’t sure, but there’s a hunch that tells him how nearby it is to him._

_Just like the hollow breathes of somebody behind him._

_Hijikata paused then stared right to his own shadow being swallowed by large, unrecognizable ones. He reached for his service revolver, but his hand froze on the midway when several silent shots resounded through the place._

_Before he could know it, a warm, wet sensation seeped out from his chest._

_'... I'm fucked up.'_

_All he could do is to break into a cold sweat as he gathered his whole strength to turn around, only having his chest tightened upon the sight of the assailant..._

_..._

_"... Meow."_

            His eyes shot open right directly into the source of noise as soon as he woke up, only getting his eyes strained from the sudden brightness of the sunlight coming through his window.

            Hijikata couldn't help but to curse as he blinked several times, then jolted along with the familiar thud.

            _'... The fucking he—?!'_

            ... and before he could even speak a word aloud for the morning, Hijikata greeted the day with a curse for the second time upon seeing another itch on his eyes.

            "Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?!"

            The white, furry cat was sitting in front of the windowsill with its paw planted on the glass, staring so coldly to him that he barely blinked its eyes. Claws from its paw were retracted upon being noticed.

            Hijikata just sighed as he shifted his position from awkwardly sitting low, now completely sitting on the edge of the bed. Scratching his nape, his eyes wandered to the night stand beside where a desk clock indicates the time; six o’clock at morning. Pretty late for him to wake up compared to his usual routine. It was only fortunate for him to remember that he was currently off duty from work, but the papers scattered on the desk said otherwise. It’s like there’s other things that Hijikata could do at staying home, after all.

            Of course, tending the cat’s needs is not definitely included.

            So he grabbed a box of cigarette from the desk and rose up, heading over the window where the cat was currently at, then opening it for the sunlight to enter his dim-lit room.

            “Not for you, bastard,” Hijikata hissed back to the cat that was scowling back to him.

            Having a closer look to the cat, he noticed how untidy than usual were the cat’s curly fur are. With some dirt stains on its white coat, Hijikata could tell that the cat was roaming around the streets again, and the unwanted smell lingers to its thick fuzz.

            “Tch, you stink.” He scoffed while lighting up a cigarette, only earning a hiss from the cat that was currently licking its paw. Then, without second thoughts, he brought his palm above the cat’s head that only made the cat pause to stare up to him.

            “… _Nyorw_ …”

            “Seriously… Where did you even go through to have this shit?” Hijikata frowned while ruffling its fur, which somehow felt odd when he felt a sticky sensation after his palm reached a certain spot on the nape. He knew that the cat was licking their own coat as their form of grooming, but he also knew that it wasn’t supposed to be _that_ sticky and… smelly.

            Well, maybe it was really a _shit_ , after all.

            “Damnit— Gross!“ Hijikata cussed upon seeing a stain from his palm. “Are you cats really like that?!”

            And as a response, the cat hissed and retracted their claws.

            “Don’t you even dare or I’ll— “

            But instead of a painful scratch that overwhelms his face, a rapid plunge of dark puddle covered his whole face with a _splash_.

            Hijikata could only hear the cat hissing as a tiny tinkle of a bell went close as well, now hearing a tiny grunt and screech along with sounds of a slick object hitting the pavement.

            _“There he is!”_ A voice spoke out from nowhere, which made the tinkling sound of the bell pauses.

            Still under numbness of his own realization of _what-the-hell-did-something-just-threw-to-my-face_ , Hijikata slowly scooped out the damn _dung_ out from his face that obstructs his sight, now seeing a tiny monkey right on the other side of his place. The monkey was seems frozen from throwing more shits with its arms drew out with a puddle of brown feces dripping on its hands. Meanwhile, he now noticed that the cat was now digging its claws on his back, continuously hissing with a threat. Then, a woman with a raven hair tied in a ponytail came with a banana on her hand.

            “I thought you will be lost again…” The woman sighed in relief as the monkey retreated back to her shoulder, taking the banana to feast with.

            “Uhm… Excuse me. I assume that… _that_ monkey is yours?”

            The woman turned her attention across to open household, then gasping upon seeing Hijikata’s face covered with craps.

            “Ah— Yes, he’s mine.” She simply replied. “He’s my Jugem-Jugem Poop Throwing Machine Shin-chan’s Day Before Yesterday Underwear Shinpachi’s…”

            _‘Uh, what the fuck is she narrating again?’_

            “… Life Balmunk Fezarion Isaac Schneider One Thirds Pure Feeling Two Thirds Worried-Over-A-Hangnail…”

            Hijikata only stared with pure confusion written on his face.

            “… Feeling Though Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It?...”

            _‘… All I know that it was the fate’s betrayal that had my name on their list’_

            A vein popped from his forehead as he felt unnecessary urge to shut the window. _But hell he could rudely cut off the woman’s speech or something! Besides, the damn monkey reminds him of something back then to the headquarters—_

And he’s a fucking policeman bothered with his prideful conscience.

            _‘… Please make her stop, for fu—‘_

            “…—erved With Oil From A Hoofed Mammal, Pepepepepepepepepepepe Runny Diarrhea, our club’s dearest mascot.” The girl finally finished with a faint smile on her lips as she gently patted the monkey’s head. “Ah. I apologize for the mess he made… It seems like _Gin-san_ got Jugem’s attention again.”

            _… Don’t tell me that…_

            “… What you said earlier— It’s that monkey’s name?!” Hijikata snapped along with a vein throbbing on his forehead. “And who’s this _Gin-san_ this time?”

            “Yes, it’s Jugem-Jugem Poop Thro—“

            “ _You don’t have to repeat it—_ “

            “… _chine Shin-chan’s—“_

            After minutes had pass, Hijikata earned another painful throb on his forehead.

            “Just nevermind it! Just use whatever nickname you had, can’t ‘ya?!” Hijikata aggressively snapped, only resulting for another smelly _shit_ to fly towards him. Luckily, he managed to dodge that one.

            “ _Jugem!_ “ The girl gasped, and then frowned over the monkey. “Sorry, he always throws his shits to somebody who pisses him off. And yes, you can just call him Jugem.”

            “What kind of fucking monkey would— “ Hijikata just sighed and palmed his forehead. “… Also, who’s this _Gin-san_ you’re earlier talking about?”

            The cat only rested above his head and let out a lethargic yawn.

            The girl only smiled at the cat and to him before bowing her head down, followed by the monkey on her shoulder to bow down as well. Now figuring it out, Hijikata only looked up at the cat and sighed heavily.

            “This stupid cat, then?”

            Before the girl could even response, the burglar cat gave him another scratch on his head as a response before jumping out of his head. Now yelling aloud, Hijikata chased the cat that seems entered the place, and the girl only watched with amusement.

            “… What a rare thing to see again, right?” The girl softly chuckled and gently patted the monkey’s head. “Seeing Gin-san to get along with someone like that...”

            Without further ado, she took another glance at the window and silently left the place with a banana on her hand, feeding… _Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life of Shin-Chan’s Two-Day-Old Underwear Balmung Fezalion Isaac Schneider 1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish This Is A Different Dogfish, I’m Talking About The Dogfish Shark Kaluga Ray Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe All's well ends well Runny Diarrhea…_ with a soft coo.

            “…  I now see why you did that, you silly.” She playfully smiled to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tip: long-ass names help out on word counts. why don't you try using them sometimes? :'))
> 
> just kidding. pls kill me.
> 
> hope you enjoyed this chapter full with... damn fillers. i'll make 'em better for u gheis. love you. ♡


	3. The Pet.

            It was an hour already since the human gave up chasing him out of the house.

            Sitting above the closet of the human, the cat stared down as soon as the human came back to the room he was staying into. It was still written on the human’s face on how much he was pissed either with his intrusion or with the mess the stupid monkey made earlier to his home. Not like the cat could give a shit anyway, as long as it doesn’t bother him at all.

            But of course, the human would try to bother his leisure time above the closet as he opened the closet with an intentional force to make it shake.

_“Until when do you even plan to stay up there, you fucking rascal.”_

            As if the cat could understand those words, he hissed back and held his head high in mockery.

            In this time, we are now focused in assuming what does a pet really does with their owner.

            First of all, the cat was never domesticated, so it might look like that he would be the one to assert his dominance over the human. No, he doesn’t know what does a pet really does because, let’s say, he’s a _cat_. It wasn’t like even the narrator could say exactly what does such animal could think and say about their actions, but cats are really a complicated pet to begin wi—

            What are we talking about again?

            Ah, the assertion of dominance. The human must know who owns the place.

            So of course, the cat began his mission against the human being.

            As soon as the human left the room again, the cat hopped out above the closet and landed down to the night desk where few papers were resting. The papers flew along with the impact given by the furry pal and gently swayed down to the ground, which the cat took notice as it stayed sitting up for a moment just to watch the said scenario. After the papers landed down to the floor, the temporary amusement ceased. The funny hushes of the papers somehow caught the cat’s attention, and it seems amusing to watch over again. The cat stared down to the papers on the ground, and then turned his head on the other stack sitting next to him.

            His claws expanded.

            It was all fun when a bunch of papers flew around after it was pushed below, but as soon as the door creaked open again, the cat snapped his attention out from the scattered paper and turned his gaze to the human that seems…

            **_“… What the fuck do you think you are doing?!”_**

           

* * *

 

            Of course, the human failed to kick him out of the place again. The cat is great in hiding around, and he was currently judging the human under the bed he was hiding into. It might be amusing for the cat seeing the human cleaning and stacking those funny papers up again for him, even though his pissed fumes steams up around him. Is this human really that hateful? He seems to be stingy and annoying, but he still feed him after all of their stupid antics together.

            The cat just made his way out of the human’s room and cautiously scanned the whole place inside as he continued his current mission.

            The place was somehow wide for a cat’s point of view, fairly decorated with only nice and fuzzy furniture that seems nice to nuzzle at. He simply rubbed his thick fur against the nearby sofa and inspected it before hopping up on it, welcomed by a soft, velvety comfort of the cushion. It was _alright_ , fine, but his claws were too sharp that it sometimes getting stuck on the white, thick fabric above the cushion. The cat only stared down for a while before he managed to pull out the fabric above with few kneads of his paws, revealing the real texture of the cushion that was simply rough and ticklish for his furs.

            Also, it more smells like the human when the cat once lay down on the human’s body cushion (human reads as: lap).

            He couldn’t help but to lay bare right on the sofa, four feet raised up as his stomach exposed out of the shadows. It wasn’t that hard for him to scent the sofa since his furs made the job already, perks of having long and thick furs he had, and now having a quick comfort on the place. Even without human’s realization, he already marked the sofa as a beginning of his domination. Although he wanted to go farther at all… The coziness that the sofa offers to him made him astray of his mission _again_. Cats do take their time if they want to as people does, and it same goes to him always taking his time in slacking off as what a lazy people does every single day.

            And when it comes in slacking off, of course it won’t be complete if no one would spat their ass out to you to move or some shit. In our cat’s place, it was that hateful human that takes _that_ role.

            _“What— You even—“_

The cat just turned his gaze towards the human, not moving even though it’s predictable that the human would shout his ass again. But instead of disappointment or grimaced expression, the human was simply staring blankly at him. Of course, the cat stared back with an intimidation in return, only would be obvious if he doesn’t slack his eyes along with his lethargic manner. As they continued staring at each other, the cat couldn’t help but to stretch his limbs up and rolling them down aside where the human was, giving more way for him to glare back… all until he got tired and yawned.

            _“… Nyo~oorw.”_

            It was a long yawn, and a long yawn always manages to give us satisfaction along with a stretching, which also happened to be the cat fond of.

            Not only that, it seems stupid for him that even the _human_ made it yawn as well, followed by a mocking snicker as the human sit down next to the sofa.

            _“Getting too comfortable, are we?”_ The human made a noise.

            And after a soft pat on his head, the cat already knew that he successfully dominated the human… _with his cute, feline charms._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi.
> 
> pls enjoy the chapter. uwu
> 
> love y'all. ♡


	4. The Owner.

            How do you really know if you’re a pet owner? Is it because of your intentional tending for a certain one? Is it because you liked that pet so much you decided to keep it? Or is it because… it just sort of happened?

            Well, the last reason might be still questionable, but if the first ones are never one of the person’s reasons, then your ownership is really questionable.

            Hijikata definitely never had an intention of having a pet, especially _the one_ who bosses the household as if he owns the damn place. Besides, he barely even stays on his home even to take care of a pet, so he never had a thought having a pet once.

            _And_ Hijikata definitely doesn’t like that perm-y cat.

            It doesn’t mean that it’s a pure inconvenience when the cat stays inside his home, though. It somehow gave him a guarantee of having his place “pest-free” since the cat occasionally roam around and keep them away from foods ‘till to his papers. Well— except papers since it’s the cat who always mock him at scattering them. It’s not getting those papers with eaten corners were better than only having few creases and an effort to pick them up, after all.

            But still— _he doesn’t like the cat._

            Before he could even know it, it was already a week passed by since the cat casually visits inside the place, slyly entering to the place every afternoon as soon as he returned from his work. Their old habits stayed, somehow, but it was now added with some more time for them to mess with each other whenever Hijikata found the cat slacking off his sofa again.

            … And yes, he still doesn’t like that peculiar cat.

            _So what does it really means?_

            Hijikata doesn’t know, but he definitely knew that the cat is just a freeloader on his place.

            It was a freeloader he even bother bringing food over him, although it was an impulsive or unconsciously most of the time. _Hell_ , he even once paused in front of a pet shop and literally _stared_ , seeing how much stuffs most of the pets need— from foods, beds, accessories, and toys for amusement— there are various things that could make a pet’s life luxury, and it was just amusing for him to think that most of the people were wasting their money over them.

            It wasn’t like he’s one of those people… but he only found himself entering that shop, then walking out of that shop with a paper bag stuffed with feline materials.

            _No_ , he still doesn’t like that cat, especially after that one.

            He’s simply convinced that he’s just curious whether how to bother such lethargic cat like that one, and sometimes finding amusement to him whenever he watches the cat stalking behind the sofa, peering over the mouse toy not from afar to the furniture with his tail swaying high on the air, and head pressed on the floor as his dead-fish eyes stared intently on the toy. It was funny how the cat lounged right to it, but only flopping above the toy over his stomach. Then, he just rolled over with the toy sticking on his thick furs as he pawed and tossed the toy around. The low vibrations of the cat’s purr seems sounded like a white noise for Hijikata, and he learned that it sometimes give him a sign whether the cat is contented or not.

            _Of course_ , he doesn’t like that cat, let it be amusing or not.

            … Well, maybe a little. Hijikata just doesn’t want to admit it.

            He would definitely not to admit it to anyone, especially to someone with a loud mouth— specifically, Kondo Isao.

            It was once when his superior noticed how creased the papers are when Hijikata hastily gave it to him. Hijikata was known for his strict efficiency and discipline, and Kondo couldn’t help to wonder if the male also apply his strictness towards the said report paper given to him. Not only that, it was more sloppy than before, like it was written by a student quickly copying down the homework of his classmate before their teacher comes. It continues like Hijikata was doing it on purpose, and it concerns his dear superior— all until one time, Kondo noticed something on the paper that definitely caught his attention.

            _A paw marked with an ink._

“… Uh, it’s just because a mouse running around my room.”

            “But Toshi— It’s too large to be a mouse’s footprint.”

            It took a long while before Kondo even dropped the bomb, and Hijikata doesn’t like the curiosity rousing on the other’s face.

            “Are you hiding something, eh? ~ A pet? _Pet?_ ”

            Hijikata wasn’t even sure whether his kind superior seeing it as an interest was better than getting chewed out by a shitty superior with the mess on his reports, but maybe both of them are nothing good, anyway. It was no use cutting off Kondo when the older male will probably continue to drag his persuasion to the point it turned into nuisance.

            So he answered.

            “I dunno. It just sort of happened that… a cat resided in my house.”

            _Can it even be considered as a pet, though?_

            “Woah… So you mean that it chose you to be its owner? Especially a cat… That’s a huge honor to be chosen by a cat, you know? ~”

            _Chosen by a cat— more like he’s the one who owned me, then?!_

            Ever since then, the superior finally stopped bothering him about being lonely on a new residence. Well— It was just only changed into curiosity of what kind of cat that basically “chose” him, though. Of course, he only said subtle things about the cat, only leaving the older one to whine as he asked more about it.

            _But ‘an honor to be chosen’, huh?_

            What does it exactly means?

            Is there something special about being a ‘chosen one’? It sounds fancy, but hell would Hijikata be convinced only for it being cool. Besides, it was way too ridiculous to think being a ‘chosen one’ would only mean by getting chosen by a cat. Doesn’t that sounds like it would be really an honor to be chosen by them? Like he would really care about it, though.

            If this man only knows about it.

            So one day, he did meet someone who was just persuading a certain cat lying on a fence. It was a woman— having a purple hair and thick, red glasses adorning her grey eyes sparkling in admiration. After the woman, Hijikata finally noticed that she was actually right in front of his home, and it was that white, thick-haired cat that the woman was calling for.

            _… Is it his owner?_

            His stomach suddenly felt tight.

            “… Uh, excuse me?” He spoke to the woman upon reaching his house.

            The woman stopped wooing the cat and gave a look to him.

            “Oh! Hello, may I help you?” The woman blinked.

            Hijikata wasn’t pretty sure how he was supposed to talk about her and the cat.

            “Well… Seems like you’re familiar with the cat?” He asked, watching her looking back to the cat that was now looking at him.

            “Ah, yes! Isn’t he a lovely guy?” The woman giggled and went to coo the cat again, only to be ignored by the said animal. He was about to be convinced that the cat was owned by her when the cat just scratched the woman’s hand that went to pat his head, hissing at the persistent human.

            “Ah! ~ That hurts, _Gin-saaaan ~”_ The woman shrieked with… an odd tone. “Stop being coy with me already! ~ I knew you liked me back then and even let me hug you!”

            The woman then realized that the man was still staring at her, which actually only made Hijikata to look away in embarrassment.

            “I-I… was just wondering if you own that cat.”

            Well, that only sounded awkward. Hijikata just wanted to turn and leave, but he couldn’t.

            “Even though I want to, he won’t let me,” The woman sighed in disappointment. “He won’t even let me touch him. Isn’t it cute? ~”

            _Cute? That cat just straightforwardly saying that he hates you!_

            But before he could even response to her, something heavy suddenly tackled his head that made him stumble to his side. And _yes—_ It was the cat who just tackled him to climb up to his head and make himself comfortable above like a _human cushion_ he is.

            _“… Meow.”_

            The cat purred and kneaded his scalp, which hurts yet seems pleasant if the cat just keeps his claw sheathed. The woman stared— stared like a miracle just unfolded right before her eyes that Hijikata failed to understand why. Instead, he spat right to the cat with his usual antics of _“get the fuck off my head!”_ while trying to pull off the cat out of his head. It was harder with his other hand occupied with a plastic bag that contains the cat’s usual snack. He winced— which was cut off when the woman suddenly screeched aloud with a disbelieved tone.

            “NO, THIS IS NOT FAIR, GIN-SAN!” The woman sobbed, and Hijikata stared. “Why did you even let a stranger touch you when I was persuading you for years already?!”

            “Eh? A year? Isn’t that a bit too mu—“

            The woman grabbed his collar and pulled him closer, only to yell right to his face.

            “DON’T UNDERESTIMATE A CAT’S JUDGMENT!”

            And she runs away, crying.

            Hijikata wasn’t pretty sure whether to be concerned or be relieved in some way, but the cat only made another mocking ‘meow’ as they both watched the woman from afar. But somehow, that made sense a little. For persuading a cat for _years—_ it was sure a freaky one.

            “She does seem nice. Why aren’t you letting her keep you?”

            The cat hopped out above his head down to the pavement, which Hijikata followed his sight of him. Then, the cat just rubbed his head against his legs and purred— exactly as how their routine goes on. That was only when Hijikata finally realized why it must be special to be chosen by a cat.

            “You’re an idiot.” He only scoffed and went to enter his house with the cat, lips curving into a small smile.

            … No way would he be an owner of the cat, but it was sure that he has a freeloader cat living on his house. There’s nothing he could ask for on the first place, nor did he even ask for a companion, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> story time:
> 
> there's a cat with a rope tied on her neck, and i'm worried that she might get stuck and choked with it so tried to cut it off. unfortunately, it took weeks before i even managed to hold her.
> 
> i was literally sarutobi back then as i tried persuading her, lmaooo. she keeps avoiding and scratching me whenever i try to touch her, but at least the hardship paid off and i finally got the rope untied and her getting used to me. uwu
> 
> anyways, i hope you enjoyed this chapter! pls stay tuned for more! uwu luv y'all with my whole heart. ♡


	5. The Neighborhood.

            “… Did you hear about the rascals making havoc to the neighborhood’s park?”

            Hijikata wished he didn’t, but just by judging Kondo’s strict look to him, he knew that they would be probably involved into stupid charades of the community _again_.

            “Yeah, I did,” Hijikata sighed in disappointment. “But seriously, why the hell are we supposed to deal with it? We’re a local _policemen—_ not an animal _commi—_ “

            “But that’s exactly the problem, Toshi!” Kondo wailed as well, which caught him off guard. “It’s them that asked for our assistance!”

            _Yeah, asking for assistance and even barging in wanted posters of pets instead of a lost person or criminal!_

            Even if it’s too much to his dismay, Hijikata admits that they’ve been just patrolling on the streets for few weeks already, only dealing with minor inconvenience that some of the young troublemakers do. Surprisingly, the community was just exactly glee and peaceful with harmony that Hijikata couldn’t believe that it does exist. It was just an outlook from a policeman, though, for Hijikata doesn’t really manage mingling with the people as a fellow neighbour of them. It wasn’t like he hates dealing with people— it was just he was mostly choosing his work over his social life that he barely gives a damn with. No wonder why he acquired his trait of being a tsun—

            “Like I give a damn!” Hijikata indirectly cursed to the narrator while reading the given request letter of the High Commissioner of their department, now realizing that they were now being treated as an idle worker of the place.

            “I can’t believe that _that_ old man was actually living in here as well— _and_ even being a victim of those damn rascals’ mess!”

            “Toshi! Old Pops is our superior!” Kondo sweated profusely while looking around the open hallway of the station. “I know that it does sounds crazy bu—“

            “It’s crazy! Why does this even looks like a hiring letter for us to do?!” Hijikata palmed his forehead. “ _… ‘If you may, please do find a way to stop them and clean the mess the stray cats did to the neighborhood, especially in my backyard that smells shit already—‘_ I never signed up working for this stupidity!”

            He hopes he really didn’t, but it was too late already as soon as he felt a cold barrel behind his head, and Kondo turning pale with his hands opened in defense.

            _“… Feel free to file a request of resignation and I could sign it with your blood, Toooooshi.”_

            The Commissioner pressed the tip of his gun closer to Hijikata’s head, blowing out a thick smoke directly behind the male. No matter how respectable and hard-boiled his superior sounded like, Hijikata still couldn’t get to the point of Matsudaira Katakuriko having a bended common sense when it comes of dealing things. It was pure audacity with a large amount of stupidity for a higher position to ask unrelated tasks to them, and Hijikata couldn’t believe how such bold yet crazy old man like him managed to stay on his position for so many years.

            “O-Old Pops! Toshi didn’t meant it that way, eh?!” Kondo defended with fidgety as soon as the Commissioner gave a grim look to them.

            “ _Yeah,_ I did mean it that way, Kondo-san,” Hijikata sarcastically groaned and turned to face the gun and the holder of the said weapon.

            “I really like _hooooow_ much bravery you have to talk back, Toshi,” Matsudaira sneered through his shaded glasses. “Too bad, this wasn’t the right time to pride yourself with it. Do you know how loud a housewife could get whenever she’s mad? Do you know how it hurts to see your lovely daughter uncomfortable just because of the _shits_ scattered not only to the neighborhood’s park, but also in our backyard?”

            “Hell like we should be involved with your household issues!” Hijikata spat back, somehow sweating a bit as the gun keeps pointed to his forehead.

            “But _Tooooooshi_ , it’s also an issue of our dear community, you know? How could you call yourself a servant of the country if you can’t clean your own home?”

            “It wasn’t supposed to be like that, Old Po—“

            The gun turned, pointing directly to Kondo.

            “Nevermind, I said nothing.”

            Hijikata just sighed and went to hold down the gun of their superior, trying to ignore the old man’s threatening glare as he spoke, “I get it how you’re _so concerned_ for the community, Pops. But you know that it wasn’t our job to clean the damn natural mess of those strays!”

            “What should we supposed, then? Wait for it to rot into existence?” Matsudaira growled.

            “No. We can just find a prevention of it if we have to,” Hijikata deadpanned. “We’ll find the source of it and make them stop. Just— don’t misuse our job as a policemen.”

            Somehow amused with the arrangement, Matsudaira just pulled back his gun into its holster and sighed out another smoke in relief, which Hijikata and Kondo did the same in return.

            “Hm, that’s considerable.” Matsudaira nodded, “As expected to the _viiiiiiiice_ commander. I’ll leave it up to both of you, then.”

            Turning around, the Commissioner simply walked away and left.

            _…_

            “… This is still stupid.”

            “Please don’t say anything already before he comes to shoot us, Toshi.”

 

[-]

 

            The warm breeze of the summer wind indicates the impending heat of the upcoming day, with the sky so blue and sun so bright that crowns the town with its glorious rays. It might be beautiful in sight, but it was that time of the year that makes Hijikata wanted to curse at the thick-layered uniform they had, making him all sweaty and sticky as he roamed around the fairly busy streets.

            There were only plenty of people passing by, rushing to their businesses and such. There’s a plenty of stray cats idly lying on some fences, which he wasn’t familiar with— except for the white furball that suddenly rushed pass by to him like there’s something that was chasing him.

            _“Eh? Gin?”_

            Before he could even turn to see what’s behind them, a large silhouette loomed up in his vision as it went up to hurdle something from afar, jumping high in the air with its paws up in the air.

            _“Ruff, ruff!”_

            Hijikata screamed and got himself hurdled down to the ground by a large dog.

            It took him a while before he realized that the dog wasn’t chewing him at all, but it was instead sniffing him aloud all over with its brown snout, its brown and shaggy coat aggressively rubbing too close to his body. He stopped squirming from the weight and went to stare back to the dog that was now simply sitting up to his chest, being stared back with its blue eyes sparkling with glee.

            _“Ruff!”_

            The dog cheerfully wagged its tail with its tongue hanging low from its mouth.

            “… You’re fucking heavy. Please get off.”

            In return, the dog just loudly barked and bounced off its paws on his chest, continuing its loud and obnoxious barks ringing on the empty streets along with Hijikata’s loud curses of pain.

            After a long while of struggling to keep the dog off to him, a loud whistle finally broke in the midst of the deafening barks of the dog, making it to stay still before hopping out of his body. Hijikata swore that it will gonna be a tough laundry for his crinkled and saliva-stained uniform.

            _“Sakamoto, stay.”_

            And the dog stayed still instead of lounging right to the girl in a parasol walking close to him.

            “Sorry for the inconvenience, Sir,” The girl spoke monotonously as she reached down her porcelain hand to him, which Hijikata took and stood up timidly.

            “… No, it’s alright,” He simply replied as he gave a look to the dog beside them. “That’s a big, energetic dog you have there, though.”

            The dog barked in response, and the girl quietly hushed the dog and petted its head.

            “Ah, yes. He’s so loud, too. It’s sometimes a bother, but at least it broke out the silence in my place,” She softly smiled to him and reached out her hand in front again. “I’m Mutsu. I believe that you are the new neighbour that a friend was talking about.”

            “Err, yeah—“ Hijikata coughed and held her hand in return, shaking it in respect. “Hijikata Toshirou. Nice to meet you, too.”

            The dog just barked twice and hopped around him, which Hijikata found himself amused at the warm greetings that the dog was giving.

            “Sakamoto is happy meeting you as well, as you can see,” Mutsu softly chuckled and tossed a little snack for the dog.

            Hijikata just watched them for a bit as he remembered the first meeting he had with the other neighbor, who reminds him of her pet monkey as well that made havoc of his place. Compared to it, this current meeting is way normal— somehow— than being thrown with a _shit_ as a greeting. Dogs are known to be a great companion, after all, and he knew that the Sakamoto dog was doing fine accompanying the timid girl.

            It then reminds him of the cat earlier, though.

            “… Perhaps, did you see where Gintoki head to?” Mutsu asked to him, which made him turned back to look at the track the feline went to.

            “Actually, no. He’s busy running away, as usual,” Hijikata deadpanned. “He’s seriously a magnet of all troubles.”

            “You bet,” Mutsu smiled and pointed up to his head. “You might be a trouble yourself as well.”

            Hijikata just took note of the strands of silver tail drooping low to his face, swaying so low that it tickled his nose.

            _“Nyorw,”_ The cat greeted in return, and the dog went to hop once again over Hijikata in attempt to reach the cat.

            Luckily, he now manage to took the dog’s weight against his chest as it stood upright for the cat, now turning just to mock down the dog that couldn’t reach him anymore.

            “Oi! Stop that thing, you’re heavy for a dog, you know?!” Hijikata complained as the dog barked aloud in response. “Do something, oi!”

            Mutsu just chuckled and continued to watch them instead, having herself entertained as Hijikata loudly complained along with the loud barks and hisses of their pets.

 

[-]

 

            “… Rascals?”

            Hijikata nodded as Mutsu repeated his question.

            They were currently walking through the streets as they went to head to the park, which happened for Mutsu to have a same way back to her home. It was a good chance for Hijikata to ask few questions regarding to the current matter he was now handling, having an impression that the girl is already familiar with the place and events going through to it.

            “Yeah. There’s a lot of reports these days that most of the stray animals were making mess of the town, and the Animal Committee could not handle it anymore,” Hijikata sighed as he soothed his nape, feeling it a bit sore as he gave up getting rid of the cat above his head.

            “Mhm, I believe that there are mostly stray cats around this place,” Mutsu quietly pondered. “… Especially in the playground of the park where most of them are currently residing.”

            Hijikata simply took note of them, and the cat yawned aloud while pawing his head.

            “Stray cats, huh. I could probably see that there are most of them wreaking havoc, I’d say.”

            Mutsu gave a curious glance to him, and he simply poked the cat’s nose to make it stop kneading.

            “You must lucky and unlucky at the same time,” Mutsu stated and took notice of the dog barking for her attention, only patting its head again. “That cat of yours is one of the most notorious troublemakers of the place.”

            “Yeah, I could probably see that as well,” He rolled his eyes. “No wonder there’s a lot of ‘em recognizing this rascal, eh.”

            Mutsu took a snack and fed it to the cat.

            “Yes, they are. He’s pretty charming for most of them, after all,” Mutsu stated. “Even for the other stray animals around.”

            The dog barked up to him again, and Hijikata could hear the cat hissing down to the hound.

            “Other strays? How could you say so?” Hijikata asked in curiosity, turning his head a bit to look at her.

            “Say… I used to see him with the other cats back then, when I was looking for Sakamoto and found him with them messing around,” Mutsu fondly replied. “I think they were three of them. The one has thick and raven coat while the other one has a mix of black and lavender.”

            Hijikata took a glance up to the cat.

            “I think that they must be a group back then since they’re mostly seen together,” She added. “But now, I barely see either of the two except to that rascal of yours.”

            “A group, huh…” Hijikata hummed. “That could make sense. Most of the insights we had are about some cats making mess in a certain household.”

            “They’re quite a rebel,” Mutsu smiled. “If one of the people messed with them, they will mess back to them. It’s quite fun to see them like that.”

            Hijikata couldn’t help but to snicker on the thought, “Yeah, that’s pretty weird.”

            After few blocks, they finally reached the park surrounded with trees and few fences, having swings on each side of the place and some few benches nearby. Hijikata gave a look and saw a few people cleaning the dried leaves and trashes scattered around.

            “Here it is,” Mutsu stated as she paused alongside. “There will be more people willing to say their concerns regarding to your matters. I hope the information I gave could be used good for you.”

            “Yeah, it’s highly appreciated,” Hijikata smiled to her. “Thanks for the help. I’ll see how I could fix the mess around.”

            “No problem,” Mutsu smiled in return and bowed her head. “I must leave now, Sir. It was a nice walk we had.”

            Hijikata just sweated a bit and nodded, bowing in return as well. “No, it’s nothing, really. It’s fun pla… _messing_ with your dog.”

            The dog just barked and hopped up to his chest again, licking Hijikata’s face that made him quite surprised.

            As soon as the two left, Hijikata just turned back his eyes to the park and went back to the conversation they had, taking note of the details about the other stray cats and their initial behaviour. He took a seat on the bench and sighed, scratching his nape in exhaustion and soreness, which the cat finally took mercy and hopped off beside him. He looked at the cat, and the cat stared back with its never-changing lethargic expression, eyes still drooped into half as he stared continuously to him.

            “You better help me out finding your friends,” Hijikata snorted and gently pinched the cat’s nose, rubbing off the dirt on it.

            The cat just grunted and pawed his hand away, frowning as he then took the turn to paw his own snout, making Hijikata to snicker on the ridiculous sight.

            _‘… Well, that’s quite interesting,’_ Hijikata thought.

            _‘Two other cats… I should see if anyone around knows those two other rascals to sum this mess up before the old man lose his sanity.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sdkhgsaf MY CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH yayayay i now have two lovely kittens!!!!!!!!!!!! im still cryinf-
> 
> have a nice day/night out there, darlings!! ~ uwu


	6. The Troublemakers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the slow update. life and mental health's being shitty to me this time. ))))): pls enjoy!!!!

            “… Eh? A cat got stuck on a tree?”

            Hijikata stood right next to the older man, which he assumed as one of the park’s sweepers, and stared up to the sturdy tree in the middle of the park. The white feline was currently lying under the tree’s cool shade, caring nothing about the humans’ problems at all.

            “Yeah, I’ve been seeing the fella looking down from that tree since earlier morning,” The old man pushed up his shaded glasses and sighed. “I couldn’t reach it either so I think a policeman like you could do anything about it.”

            “Geez, you should’ve just used a ladder or something,” Hijikata scoffed out as he peered up closer to the tree.

            A fair silhouette was looming over them above the sturdy branch it was sitting on, and Hijikata could see a glimpse of leering, golden eyes staring down to them. It never made any noise or rustles.

            “It’s not even crying for help,” Hijikata grunted and looked back to the older man with irritation. “If it could climb up on it, I’m sure that it could climb down as well. Don’t sweat over stupid things, old geezer.”

            “E-Eh, but—“ The old man stepped back, sweating profusely. “… S-Still, it was staying too long already! I’m just worried that it might be starving already… or such.”

            A sudden rustles of falling leaves flew down to them. The white feline looked up, so does the two human in a snap.

            _“… Nyan.”_

            The dark cat spoke softly down to them, extending its paw down as it reaches for the lower branch.

            “L-Look, it might fall down!” The old man pointed to the cat.

            “Geez, it’s trying to climb down already,” Hijikata groaned and went to look at his white feline, seeing it watching the other cat to climb down as well.

            The other cat successfully climbed down to the lower branch near to its earlier position, but the next branch was too low for it to reach out with. It hesitated at first, but then turned and made its lower limbs extended out of it, attempting to reach the lower branch with its feet.

            “Ah, it’s risky,” Hijikata stated in mere amusement.

            “Aren’t you supposed to do something with it?!” The old man spat to the police, having a dismayed expression as he saw how Hijikata was rooted in watching the cat.

            “Nah, don’t be too anxious, old geezer,” Hijikata shook his head and snickered, patting the older man’s shoulder before he turned his back away from them. “It’s a stray, after all. It could manage on its own.”

            Just when Hijikata was about to walk away from them, a loud crack of a branch resonated from above, and the panicked scream of the old man followed the noise.

            “Look out!” The old man yelled.

            Turning back to them again, Hijikata was about to rush in when a sudden splutter of dark substance fell from above, and it exactly hit the old man’s face with a ‘splat’.

            _“… Nya ~an.”_ The cat purred aloud as it looked down to them again.

            “E-Eh?! W-What is this?!” The man shouted and wiped his face. “I-It stinks!”

            “You—?!” Hijikata gasped upon seeing the cat clearer from its spot.

            And from its spot, the cat walked close to the edge of the branch, letting the warm sunlight shower over it and reveals its shiny, raven coat along with a blue ribbon loosely tied on its neck.

            _“Nyaw.”_

            The cat then suddenly jumped out from the branch that was somehow way too far from the ground, which the old man panicked once again out in confusion whether it was the cat’s shit that splattered over his face or not. Luckily, it was actually a _shit_ and the cat wasn’t now aiming for him, for the cat exactly landed its four paws right to Hijikata’s face, claws sheathed as it once pounced out from him.

            “Ow—?! Why you shi—?!” Hijikata screeched aloud as he palmed his face, growling in pain.

            “It’s _Zura!_ ” The old man shrieked, aggressively wiping his face from the stinking shit on his face.

            As Hijikata went to glare the cat, the blue-collared cat seemed to sneer at him as it stood next to the white, lethargic cat that was only lying from its original position, not amused at the mess currently happening to the scene. It pissed Hijikata off— for it was like a mocking leer that the other cat was giving to him and that cat was now even mingling to the white furball as if it was showing off for it.

            “You know this shitty cat?!” Hijikata hissed, wiping off the dirt and blood from his face.

            “Yeah, it’s one of the strays around,” The old man sighed in disappointment. “A stray that nobody could tame with.”

            The cat just turned its rear right in front of the other cat that was now sweating profusely at the impending mess, which was actually the other cat taking another shit exactly next to him.

            “… Uh, isn’t that pretty weird.” The old man deadpanned, which Hijikata did as well in the sight of the odd scene.

            “… What the fuck is wrong with that cat.”

            With a loud screech, the white feline angrily pounced over the other cat, his thick fur sticking out up until to his tail. The other cat clumsily dodged him as it was still struggling from its business, having uneasy movements as it gave a look to the other cat. But instead, it was a loud and irritated hiss that the white feline gave to it, and off the black cat ran away as the other went to pounce back to attack.

            “Shit— That might be one of the strays leaving shits around!” Hijikata snarled, now realizing that the other cat went off to chase the culprit.

            “Huh? You know about it?” The old man asked in bewilderment. “Wait, I—“

            _“Hold up, you damn rascal!”_

“Wait a minute—?!”

            And off Hijikata trailed behind the white cat without noticing the older man, managing to run next to it as they followed the black cat’s trails.

 

[-]

 

            “Where did that shithead go?!”

            Hijikata panted out, somehow got left behind as he slowly jogged in attempt to catch the cats up. The scorching heat was too much for a marathon, and Hijikata doesn’t think it was worth getting faint for, so he finally stopped right in front of the vending machine to have a drink and rest.

            _‘One of the strays that cannot be tamed…’_

            Just by judging how Gin reacted at the other cat’s presence, he wasn’t pretty sure whether the two cats get along at all. The white feline just gave its remarkable look of laziness before the cat decided to shit right next to him, which badly pissed him off to chase the other over to the extent of long way around. It was just a first time Hijikata saw that lethargic cat to chase something that quick, and the persistency he even had made him more surprised. Was he that pissed to that rascal?

            Well, who wouldn’t be mad after somebody just took a number two next to you, anyway.

            As the cold bottle of water slid down from the machine, Hijikata bent down to reach for it when a bright sparkle of gold caught his attention just below the ground.

            “Huh? What is it?”

            Hijikata picked the object up, and it was a small bell with a broken chain on its top.

            “… This thing—“

            _“Stop, Jugem!”_

            Instinctively, Hijikata dropped down to the ground as a shit flew just above his head, hitting the glass of the vending machine into filth.

            “What the fuck is wrong with these animals, throwing shits at people?!”

            The monkey was about to throw another shit to him when the raven-haired girl reached them on time, holding the tiny wrist of the monkey to stop it from throwing.

            “… Don’t worry, Jugem. It was a neighbour of ours, don’t worry.”

            The girl just went over him and looked down to his hand, which Hijikata noticed that it was the tiny bell she was looking for.

            “Glad you came just in time,” Hijikata scoffed and stood up, exhaling out the breath he held earlier. “This must be yours, isn’t it?”

            “Yes, it seems that it was Jugem-Jugem Poop Throwing Machine Shin-chan’s Day Before Yesterday Underwear Shinpachi’s—“

            “ _For the sake of mayonnaise,_ please just use ‘Jugem’ if you have to mention his name,” Hijikata immediately cut off out in exhaustion.

            But of course, the girl went to chant the monkey’s name and ignoring him again while _Jugem-Jugem Poop Throwing Machine Shin-chan’s Day Before Yeste—_

            [ “ _Oh please, not even you!_ ” _Hijikata screamed internally._ ]

            _— rday Underwear Shinpachi’s Life Balmunk Fezarion Isaac Schneider One Thirds Pure Feeling Two Thirds Worried-Over-A-Hangnail Feeling Though Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It? I Know The Unknown The Cuttlefish Tastes Kind Of Different Than It Did Last Time Because It Was Caught Near The Pond And Served With Oil From A Hoofed Mammal, Pepepepepepepepepepepe Runny Diarrhea_ was simply holding out his hand in threat of throwing another shit.

            “… _Diarrhea’s_ bell from his collar,” The girl pointed out to the bell. “It seems that it was broken when we’re having a walk earlier.”

            “ _E-Err_ , yeah—“ Hijikata coughed and handed the bell to the other. “… Here you go.”

            “Thank you very much,” The girl smiled and bowed her head along with the monkey that hopped on her shoulder. “It seems like you came from a wild chase.”

            “Yeah,” Hijikata sighed out and took the bottle he bought earlier. “Anyway, did you saw Gin chasing a cat?”

            “Ah, yes,” The girl blinked. “So it was him you’re actually chasing?”

            “No, it was the cat he was chasing that we’re chasing off.”

            “I think I could help with that,” The girl offered up. “I happened to passed by to a friend earlier and it was there where Gin-san caught the cat you two were looking for.”

            “Really?” Hijikata turned to stare. “… Well, it would be really appreciated if you do so.”

            “Sure,” The girl simply replied as she attached the bell back to the monkey. “Let’s go, then, _Jugem-Jugem Poop Throwing Machine Shin-chan’s Day Before Yeste—_ “

            _‘Oh god, until when would this even stop?’_ Hijikata asked to himself, wondering if it’s his patience or sanity snapping off.

            After the girl chanted her beloved pet’s name, she turned her attention back to him with a wonder as they started to walk back to their tracks.

            “Are you a member of Animal Control?” She asked in wonder.

            “ _Hell no_ , I’m not,” Hijikata frowned upon crushing the bottle in frustration. “I’m a _freaking_ policeman being ordered to chase a damn rascal. This isn’t even a part of my job!”

            She just chuckled while shaking her head, “Poor policemen. Got no job to do around here?”

            Hijikata just sighed, “Yeah. I’m surprised how peaceful this town is, after all.”

            Just by taking a glance down to the girl, a content expression she wore while nodding her head showed her agreement to his statement. He just took a glance to the monkey on her shoulder that was seems glaring at him, which he took no attention with. He couldn’t help but to wonder how such town like this could remain in peace with such fair amount of friendly neighborhood.

            “You should expect for the unexpected, though,” The girl added.

            “Huh? What do you mean?”

            Of course, it became a cue for the answer to come to as soon as a loud, threatening voice of a woman resonated across the street as they reached a certain household the girl was talking about.

            _“How many times should I tell you that I knew nothing about your nuisances, damnit!_ ”

            Expecting of an unexpected, this man suddenly came afloat the air like a bazooka aimed at Hijikata, crashing right to him and had themselves flew across the street.

            _“First, a turd. Then now, a fucking human—“_

            Hijikata was about to curse when he suddenly recognized the uniform the thrown, unconscious man above him was wearing, and Hijikata swore that he might summon a demon with all of the curses he was throwing ever since he woke up.

            “What the hell are you doing here, _Kondo-san_?!”

            Kondo, abruptly regaining his consciousness, looked up at Hijikata and gasped as he sat up.

            “Toshi! Fancy meeting you here!’ The man laughed obnoxiously, obviously sweating profusely as he scratched his head.

            “ _’Fancy meeting you’_ , my ass! This isn’t even part of your patrol route!” Hijikata snarled as he bolted up. “Don’t tell me that you’re—”

            “I’m not totally slacking off, I swear! HAHA!” Kondo immediately cut off with another nervous laugh. “Why would I even slack off when—“

            _“You have time to stalk like a gorilla you are, yes?”_

            A wooden stick threateningly shoot between them, making the two male yelped away from it.

            “O-Otae-san! I’m just planning to ask you about my impending quest, really! I-I’m not stalking you at all!”

            The said woman stepped out of the gate that totally suited the opposite impression Hijikata would have at all. Otae— a woman with a gentle expression and a smile on her lips— stood close to them with a threatening aura lurking around her as she loomed over them. Hijikata wasn’t quite sure whether he was now included with the impending chaos she might make out of his gorilla commander, contemplating whether to save him or beat him himself for finding him slacking at all.

            “Well, you don’t consider it stalking when you find a man below the floor of your house, Kondo-san?” Otae tilted her head and took a look at the new man next to the Gorilla. “Oh my— I didn’t mean to disturb you, BG Policeman-san. Perhaps, could you help me throwing this feral pest away?”

            “Who are you calling a background character?” Hijikata’s eye twitched. “As much as I hate it, he’s my idiotic superior. Couldn’t help you with that… _yet_.”

            “Uh, what do you mean about that, Toshi.”

            Brushing off the dust on his clothes, Hijikata just groaned and went to see that Otae was now talking at the pissed girl that he was with earlier. The monkey seems out of the scene, but his loud screeches can be heard in a distance.

            “Seriously, Kondo-san. Is she the one you’ve been talking that you fell in love with?” Hijikata blurted out as Kondo stood next to him, laughing once again as the older man wrapped his arm around his shoulders.

            “Why— yes. You can see how much of a beauty she is, right? _Right? ~_ ” Kondo grinned at him, somehow unfazed with the disappointment written over Hijikata’s face. “She’s really strong and respectable woman, but she’s a little coy to her admirer. Isn’t that cute?”

            “She’s obviously trying to get rid out of you,” Hijikata sighed. “When will you even learn, Kondo-san?”

            Following the older man to enter the household, he finally noticed that there were plenty of mess on the woman’s terrace as the monkey rampaged through the ground with his turd, chasing the perm cat he finally found after the wild chase they had. Of course, remembering what the girl said to him, Gintoki was the one being chased as he frantically took cover from the turds being thrown to him. The cat seems to notice him when he suddenly went from hiding on the pot next to the man to hovering right on his face in a single blink.

            For the second time, Hijikata screeched from the buried claws on his face.

            “Oh, so he’s the one you’ve been talking about, Kyuubei-san?” Otae asked to the girl as Hijikata ran around in the background, trying to dodge the turds being thrown to him as the cat kept his hold to the man.

            “Yes. You can actually see it as soon as Gintoki jumped on a plain guy on the streets,” Kyuubei simply pointed out.

            “Toshi’s not really one of those plain guys you’ve been talking about,” Kondo interrupted between them, crossing his arms over his chest. “He’s one of our finest men, you know!”

            “Finest than you are, Kondo-san?” Otae smiled.

            “Of course, not! I mean— We’re both fine on our own ways!”

            “I think the opposite of that, Kondo-san.”

            “I second the statement,” Kyuubei nodded.

            “How about you stop your damn monkey from throwing shits to us?!” Hijikata finally shouted close to them as he took a plank of wood as a shit protector, ducking behind it as the monkey threw another handful of shit to them. The white furball hissed in return, attempting to scare off the monkey that barely gives a mental shit than an actual shit he threw.

            Turning their attention back to the other male, the monkey mistakenly threw one of the turds which Otae simply dodged while Kondo took the dodged one exactly on his face.

            “Oh my, your _Jugem-Jugem Poop Throwing Machine Shin-chan’s Day Before Yeste_        —“

            “WE’RE DRAGGING THE DAMN WORD COUNT TOO LONG ALREADY!” Hijikata yelled once again.

            “… _Diarrhea_ found another victim to throw shits with, Kyuubei-san?” Otae chuckled, totally ignoring Hijikata and took her time to said the whole monkey’s name, only abruptly cut by the narrator for the sake of their sanity.

            Kondo, staring only to his subordinate, blinked which Hijikata recognized as another pestering state he would be, with his big grin and gleaming eyes focused to him and to the cat.

            “I see now! Is he the one you’ve been taking care of?”

            “I— N-No, I’m not taking care of him!” Hijikata quickly shaded with, finally having himself to rest after the monkey went back to his owner.

            “But you’re keeping him inside your house, right?” Kyuubei blinked curiously.

            “You also seem fond of him for feeding him with branded tuna, right?” Otae added with a smile that looks like a mocking one for Hijikata.

            “And you told me that there’s a cat that moved in with you!” Kondo enthusiastically added with a laugh.

            Like a searing arrows pointing directly to him, Hijikata just frowned and looked away from the embarrassment. There’s no point denying the fact, after all.

            “… It doesn’t mean that I’m taking care of this pest, though!” Hijikata hissed at them, only wincing once again as a claw was buried on his scalp.

            “That’s understandable, BG-san,” Otae giggled as she went close to pat the white feline’s head, somehow making Hijikata to flinch as the woman was too close to him. “That’s a part of being a cat owner, after all. See, I used to take care of these feral cats and feed them with my love.”

            “… Quite unfair for treating her admirer like this,” Kondo sulked in the corner.

            Having the woman’s words to ring a bell, Hijikata raised an eyebrow.

            “ _Used to?_ You mean… that there’s a plenty of cats passing by in here?”

            Otae slid her hand inside the sleeves of her kimono, “Yes! They used to love my special dish, after all.”

            Showing her ‘said’ specialty, a swift of a cold breeze came forth from the woman’s sleeve that reveals an omnipotent-like essence of darkness crumbled on her palm, frightening Hijikata and the cat from the sight of the unexplainable entity.

            “… It’s tamagoyaki,” Otae happily stated with a ‘not-so-malicious’ smile.

            “E-Eh?” Hijikata stuttered as she held her palm in front of him. “… I don’t remember seeing one like…”

            “Of course, it’s my specialty, after all!” Otae giggled, which made the cat above Hijikata’s head to hiss and tuck behind him.

            In the midst of the realm of darkness, a mere call of the other cat caught both of their attention, seeing the raven cat looking up to Otae’s palm with widened eyes.

            “See? Katsura-san is one of those who love my dish!”

            Resolving the issue within the forced job he taken, Hijikata just resigned with a blank expression as soon as the abused egg was given to the said cat, now walking away with the oozing darkness on his fangs. Otae followed in adoration with Kyuubei from behind, glaring menacingly to the cat as if she was jealous— _for the goodness’ sake, Hijikata thought—_ of the cat’s prized object.

            “… I can’t believe that such things like that would exist,” Hijikata only spoke to the cat on his shoulder, receiving a monotonous _‘meow’_ from the white feline.

            “I know right?” Kondo laughed next to him as he munched a burnt egg, “She’s really amazing and beau— _oof—_ “

            As a conclusion, Hijikata now knew what made the neighbourhood _different_ than the others that also solved his absurd superior’s household issue— _thanks to the ley line of darkness of the woman that probably protects the town with its sorcery._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh gosh, im still crying from the latest chap that i have to pick this up again to ease my heart- ))))):
> 
> anyways, i got a new pup and my poor, 'ol kitty was fighting either of them out of jealousy over me- i love them both, tho. they're so cuteeeee- uwu
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this chapter! have a nice day/night ahead!


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